I Casted This Guy

Another funny commercial.

Why would you cast this guy? He looks like, as my wife said, "has cancer."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fz69mSvqno

I Am the Best Buy Guy

So you know those new commercials where the guy talks about how he helped some people install a TV in their house on Super Bowl Sunday...let me tell you why its bullshit.

First of all...if he is the salesmen on the floor helping someone buy a TV...why the hell would he be the guy who installs it?

He says in the commerical (watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MC4H3ug0MIQ) that he "had an opening with his installer"--so then why the hell wouldn't the installer do the fucking install--not the douche on the floor?

Also, the guys name is POWER JANSEN.

Enough said.

This guy is a douche.

I Drink Without Concern for Altitude

So it's not really a good idea to drink alot when you are at high elevations and that kinda bothers me. What the hell was the Coors family thinking when they set up shop in Golden, Colorado...which by the way is not that golden.

Anyways, so a few friends of I.B.T.C.'s decided to take a trip to Steamboat Springs, Colorado, and despite the great conditions...drinking while 9,000 feet in the air is not a good idea. Shortness of breath, sweats, dizzyness...oh...its a blast. Kinda feels like waking up 2 hours late for your first day of work.

So the casualites:

1. I was unable to snowboard on the last day of the trip due to dehydration and that was about as cool as a testicle blister.

2. One of the members of the trip drank so much that he passed out and was "tagged" on the forehead (pictured) with a Gatorade advertising slogan.

3. Burrito madness

4. Someone on our trip threw up black stuff...and we still dont know what it was? Jager?

So wikipedia says:

Altitude sickness, also known as acute mountain sickness (AMS), altitude illness, or soroche, is a pathological condition that is caused by acute exposure to low air pressure (usually outdoors at high altitudes). It commonly occurs above 2,400 metres (approximately 8,000 feet).[1][2] Acute mountain sickness can progress to high altitude pulmonary edema (HAPE) or high altitude cerebral edema (HACE).[1][3]
The cause of altitude sickness is still not understood.[1][4] It occurs in low atmospheric pressure conditions but not necessarily in low oxygen conditions at sea level pressure. Although treatable to some extent by the administration of oxygen, most of the symptoms do not appear to be caused by low oxygen, but rather by the low CO2 levels causing a rise in blood pH, alkalosis. The percentage of oxygen in air remains essentially constant with altitude at 21% up until 70,000 feet (21,330 metres) but the air pressure (and therefore the number of oxygen molecules) drops as altitude increases - consequently, the available amount of oxygen to sustain mental and physical alertness decreases above 10,000 feet (3,050 metres) .[5][6] Altitude sickness usually does not affect persons traveling in aircraft because modern aircraft passenger compartments are pressurized at an air pressure equivlant to an altitude of 8,000 feet (2,440 metres).
A related condition,[citation needed] occurring only after prolonged exposure to high altitude, is chronic mountain sickness, also known as Monge's disease.[7]
An unrelated condition, although often confused with altitude sickness, is dehydration, due to the higher rate of water vapor lost from the lungs at higher altitudes.

Hey AMS...go fuck yourself.

I Am a Tourist in DC This Week

Holy Crap. Walk a little slower, please.

This city is completely covered in people who have no idea what is going on. People are walking all over the place and every food establishment is packed. Ben's Chili Bowl, a local hotspot has a line around the corner!!! For hot dogs!

Anyways, people are slow and dumb and they are in the way.

I love Barack, but seriously...get out of the city.

I Created Zubaz

This American failure was brought to our attention by a friend of a friend of I.B.T.C. Thank you DM and AW.

It took a few days to determine whether this was a great American failure or a great American success. The failure aspect will be apparent when we get to the visual evidence, which will provide a more complete argument than anything I could write in words. What you might not be able to tell from the pictures is that bodybuilders Dan Stock and Bob Truax made MILLIONS on these pants.

Looking for a way to stay comfortable while working out, and to show that they, “dared to be different,” Stock and Truax came to the only possible conclusion; They would invent stretchable flared leg pants with a bright zebra stripe design. See exhibit A.

These were invented in 1988, and quickly infiltrated the closets of sports fans, WWF and future political supertars and stylish yet sophistaced businessmen everywhere. In 1990 Zubaz recorded more than $20,000,000 in sales. We're all for entrepreneurs here at I.B.T.C. These guys saw a basic need in the gym clothes industry and they cashed in. The biggest problem is with the difference between the intended image, Zubaz reality, and, well, Reality reality. Let me show you...

Zubaz Reality


Reality Reality



Zubaz Reality


Reality Reality


I think great American failure has been proven. If you aren't convinced you can buy your pair here.




One final thought...

I Wear Eyeblack Stickers

Woe is me. I have to catch a football that is in the air and I can't see very well looking into the light. So let me create a solution...I will wear "eyeblack" which is traditionally a grease that consists of "beeswax, paraffin, and carbon."

Alright...so lets give you some wikipedia info on the eyeblack...According to our friends over at the Wik, the earliest known instance of a player wearing eye black is Washington Redskins fullback Andy Farkas, who came up with the idea out of thin air in 1942.

Now I would guess that Mr. Farkas wasn't exactly doing it for looks, but since then the eyeblack phenomenon has spread to basically every sport under the sun. One interesting twist back in the 1990's was Minnesota Vikings defensive tackle John Randle, who would paint almost his entire face in the material for an imposing look. The funny thing about the paint job is he was eventually fined by the NFL for "excessive eyeblack"--who would've thought that was even possible.

Anyways, all was well and good until some genious decided that painting your face was too hard and they wanted to use stickers. Seriously. Many people point to the trend beginning when RB Reggie Bush, then just an AMATEUR athlete with USC, adorned his stickers with his AREA CODE--just in case he forgot the 3-digit prefix to his home number. Others have followed and now an entire industry is based on these stickers which are mass-produced and can have logos, family crests and, of course, area codes written on them.

www.become.com/eye-black-stickers

http://www.eyeblackstickers.com/

www.gear4pros.com/category_s/148.htm

Gross.

One other twist: THEY DONT WORK!!!!!! Mr. Farkas used them and tests have proven that black surfaces can actually do reduce glare. The stickers: DONT DO ANYTHING!!!

According to the wiki:

"A 2003 study by Brian DeBroff and Patricia Pahk tested whether black eye grease actually had anti-glare properties. The subjects of the study were divided into three groups: wearers of eye black, wearers of antiglare stickers, and wearers of petroleum jelly. The subjects' vision was tested using an eye chart while being exposed to natural sunlight. The study concluded that eye black reduced glare of the sun and improved contrast sensitivity, whereas commercial antiglare stickers and petroleum jelly (the control substance) were found to be ineffective."

Fucking Reggie Bush.

I Tried to Give Up West Point

On this day in 1741, Benedict Arnold was born. A one-time American hero and military leader, Arnold would go on to betray his country, and his name has since become synonymous with traitorous acts and somewhat disgusting, but delicious egg-based breakfasts.

After achieving the rank of Brigadier General, Arnold fell out of favor with other military brass, and was passed over for promotion, while younger men were advanced. Arnold also built up quite a bit of debt when the bet he placed for the undefeated New England Patriots to win Super Bowl XLII failed to pay off. That debt, coupled with his anger at not being promoted, led Arnold, in 1780, to agree to turn over the West Point fort to British forces, in exchange for money and a high rank in the British army.

Unfortunately for Arnold, his plan was uncovered and stopped. Though he didn't collect as much money as he anticipated, Arnold did go on to lead British forces for the duration of the war. After the war Arnold moved to London, where he died in 1801.

Ironically, on this day in 1784, Arnold's 43rd birthday, the Continental Congress ratified the Second Treaty of Paris, ending the Revolutionary War and establishing Britain's recognition of the independence of the 13 colonies.

Should have stayed in your lane, Benedict!